One Life

I've started to read the book 'One Life' by Naomi Feigenbaum a book about 'Hope, Healing and Inspiration on the path to Recovery from Eating Disorders.'
Now I must admit I borrowed the book from the library because I was searching for tips and tricks to feed my ED with but so far the book has actually fed 'Ellie'.
I've got into a bad habit of watching YouTube videos lately about ED's, anorexia, anything to satisfy my need for time filling and to keep me focused, my ED automatically searching out for ideas that I too could implement into my life. I started watching a documentary about some girls in a US ED clinic called The Renfrew Centre. This book is written by a girl who went there and her journey of recovery.
Lately I seem to be slipping backwards in terms of behaviours and thoughts yet I still feel I don't have a problem, its very confusing in my mind because sometimes I can recognise that yes I do still have an Eating Disorder and I cry out for help, wishing that someone was there, but other days I am passionately convincing myself I'm fine.... people say that anorexia may have become a friend to me and that's why its difficult to let go but I cant separate myself from anorexia anymore... its just me. Ellie.

Anyway, not to dwell on the negative, this book has been really helpful so far, mentioning that every moment is another opportunity to change- rather than leaving it until tomorrow, next week, next month etc. that each passing second is an opportunity to make decisions that are healthy and an opportunity to begin anew.
It also speaks about trying your best to be honest with health professionals about how you really are and how you really feel...which tends to be my down fall- I have this obsessive thought that they are all working against me, even though deep down I know they're not, this is something I really need to start overcoming and I will try to put in practice next Friday at my assessment with the local Eating Disorder Service.
Accepting your feelings is the next lesson that I have been told about, Naomi writes:
"Accepting your feelings is the 1st step in learning to cope with them.  Often it is easier to deny your feelings or 'numb-out' through self-destructive means such as engaging in eating disorder symptoms. Sometimes you may convince yourself that you are experiencing a safer emotion- one that you know how to handle - only to find that true feelings surface in unhealthy ways, for example, you may be more willing to accept anger than sadness. anger is often a secondary emotion.
Beware of "cop-out" feelings=   bored, tired, fat, sick. These are ways to escape your real
emotions and to avoid dealing with them. Recognise your true feelings. Rather than hiding your emotions from yourself, experience them. Remember that feelings are just feelings and although some are unpleasant, they cannot harm you. Learning to feel is part of learning to truly live. Remember this when you experience different emotions."

...A very insightful lady. I will update on more strategies when I have read some more. In the meantime, coursework...!

Love El <3