Keep Remembering...

It is possible not to weigh yourself everyday- It is possible to skip the ritual for a day or a week, month, year. I'm a testament to that~ I last weighed myself 18 days ago (massive step) ~ I'm still alive and I haven't fallen apart. I can feel my weight hasn't changed and I don't need to confirm it at the moment, I just know.

Eating Disorders trick us a lot of the time.... If you tried what I have you'd still be alive and in one piece, just as you are now, simply without the numbers deciding whether today is going to be a good/bad day...

you control IT, IT doesn't control you.

Feel free to replace IT with anything you like, e.g. anorexia, anxiety, bulimia, depression, OCD... etc

The meaning of Recovery

The oxford dictionary describes recovery as: 

• return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength

In some ways these above definitions do define recovery well; it is all about regaining health and strength, returning to 'normal' (whatever that means) but I think it is important to consider these other aspects of the definition:

• the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost
• (in rowing, cycling or swimming) returning the paddle, leg or arm to its initial position ready to make a new stroke

I think that these perhaps define recovery better; returning to a 'normal' state to help you move forward in your life and also regaining possession/control of yourself and making your own decisions driven by your true self. Recovery is also very much about finding something that you lost or stolen- whether that be your social life, strength, family.... etc.

I've recently written out a card to help me remember what recovery is all about, it says...

Getting better doesn't mean getting fat.
Getting better means feeling healthy and strong.
Getting better means having energy to do things.
Getting better means taking care and looking after myself.

I think this is such an important thing to hold on to and remember when recovery seems so far away or so difficult.

Small positive steps are the answer and eventually things will get better.... xx

A Welcome Note...

From an early age I've had many setbacks and suffered a lot of pain in my life; bullying, bad relationships, eating disorders, depression... I'm still not sure if I even want to 'recover' from anything yet but this summer I have decided to at least challenge some of my thinking and maybe even change some of my ways.

I've got a good support system in place with lovely friends who I hope can help me on my journey. I've met a lot of people in therapy (from nearly 4 years) and only now do I feel so comfortable and free to express myself that I feel OK about taking a bit more control in my life ~Thanks Jackie~ and as I've got a bit more free time on my hands this is going to be something positive I want to explore.
I hope that some of the things I will be writing about will prove useful to you and maybe you will be able to help yourself in the process. This is a new thing for me and I'm sure I'll make plenty of mistakes on the way but I'm beginning to learn that this is OK and NORMAL and I don't need to punish myself- I'm doing the best I can right now & that's good enough, in fact its GREAT!!

My main goal this summer is to learn to look after myself and I wish you able to do this too.

Lets get cracking and make the most of the summer,
Love Ellie xx