Keep Your Head Up ~Ben Howard

I am really into this song at the moment. If you follow along with the lyrics/listen to the lyrics you can really hear the pain that is spoken of and the idea that it is over now and he is managing to get back to a normal life, I love the part where it says his friend knew he had been away but its happy to have him home. Beautifully written.

 

"Keep Your Head Up"

I spent my time watchin' the spaces that have grown between us.
And I cut my mind on second best or the scars that come with the greeness.
And I gave my eyes to the boredom, still the seabed wouldn't let me in,
And I tried my best to embrace the darkness in which I swim.

I'm walkin' back down this mountain
With the strength of a turnin' tide
Oh the wind's so soft on my skin,
The sun so hard upon my side.
Oh lookin' out at this happiness,
I search for between the sheets.
Oh feelin' blind and realize,
All I was searchin' for was me.
Ooh all I was searchin' for was me.

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
No, no, no, no.
Keep your mind set, keep your hair long.
Oh my my darlin' keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways, keep your heart strong.

I saw a friend of mine the other day,
And he told me that my eyes were gleamin'.
Oh I said I had been away, and he knew,
Oh he knew the depths I was meanin'.
And it felt so good to see his face,
Or the comfort invested in my soul.
Oh to feel the warmth of a smile,
When he said "I'm happy to have you home.
Ooh I'm happy to have you home."

Yeah, keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Keep your mind set, keep you hair long.
Oh my my darlin', keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways,
Keep your heart strong.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change.

May you find happiness there,
May all your hopes all turn out right.
Ooh may you find happiness there,
May you find warmth in the middle of the night.

 

Yeah, keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Keep your mind set, keep you hair long.
Oh my my darlin', keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways,
Keep your heart strong.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change.

Barbie

I saw this post on Facebook earlier and thought I'd share it with you... E x

 

If Barbie was an actual woman, she would be 5’9" tall, have a 39" bust, an 18" waist, 33" hips and a size 3 shoe. Her head would be the same circumference as her waist, meaning she’d have room for only half a liver and a few inches of intestines. The result: chronic diarrhoea and death. Also, she would not be able to menstruate. If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions, her feet are so disproportionately small, her chest would pull her forward onto her toes.
Barbie calls this a "full figure" and likes her weight at 110 lbs. At 5’9" tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. Because Barbie’s neck is twice as long as the average human’s, it would be impossible for her to hold up her head.

And yet this is the 'person' almost every teenage girl longs to look like.

One Life

I've started to read the book 'One Life' by Naomi Feigenbaum a book about 'Hope, Healing and Inspiration on the path to Recovery from Eating Disorders.'
Now I must admit I borrowed the book from the library because I was searching for tips and tricks to feed my ED with but so far the book has actually fed 'Ellie'.
I've got into a bad habit of watching YouTube videos lately about ED's, anorexia, anything to satisfy my need for time filling and to keep me focused, my ED automatically searching out for ideas that I too could implement into my life. I started watching a documentary about some girls in a US ED clinic called The Renfrew Centre. This book is written by a girl who went there and her journey of recovery.
Lately I seem to be slipping backwards in terms of behaviours and thoughts yet I still feel I don't have a problem, its very confusing in my mind because sometimes I can recognise that yes I do still have an Eating Disorder and I cry out for help, wishing that someone was there, but other days I am passionately convincing myself I'm fine.... people say that anorexia may have become a friend to me and that's why its difficult to let go but I cant separate myself from anorexia anymore... its just me. Ellie.

Anyway, not to dwell on the negative, this book has been really helpful so far, mentioning that every moment is another opportunity to change- rather than leaving it until tomorrow, next week, next month etc. that each passing second is an opportunity to make decisions that are healthy and an opportunity to begin anew.
It also speaks about trying your best to be honest with health professionals about how you really are and how you really feel...which tends to be my down fall- I have this obsessive thought that they are all working against me, even though deep down I know they're not, this is something I really need to start overcoming and I will try to put in practice next Friday at my assessment with the local Eating Disorder Service.
Accepting your feelings is the next lesson that I have been told about, Naomi writes:
"Accepting your feelings is the 1st step in learning to cope with them.  Often it is easier to deny your feelings or 'numb-out' through self-destructive means such as engaging in eating disorder symptoms. Sometimes you may convince yourself that you are experiencing a safer emotion- one that you know how to handle - only to find that true feelings surface in unhealthy ways, for example, you may be more willing to accept anger than sadness. anger is often a secondary emotion.
Beware of "cop-out" feelings=   bored, tired, fat, sick. These are ways to escape your real
emotions and to avoid dealing with them. Recognise your true feelings. Rather than hiding your emotions from yourself, experience them. Remember that feelings are just feelings and although some are unpleasant, they cannot harm you. Learning to feel is part of learning to truly live. Remember this when you experience different emotions."

...A very insightful lady. I will update on more strategies when I have read some more. In the meantime, coursework...!

Love El <3

'Creation'

As part of a local art class I have been attending we have been looking at aboriginal art and creation. Below is a piece in an aboriginal style that represents how I see the creation story.

I painted the background pink to represent immense love and passion and had a central path into the centre of the piece to represent God and his immense love. The middle of the large circle gets darker as the path representing God reaches it to show how large and deep his love is and extends out onto the rest of the page representing the way the Lord spreads over the Earth and is present everywhere.
At the top middle I added dark lines and patches representing the night and as a result I have represented day as yellow on the top right hand side of the piece. As we go round the circle blue and green waves are introduced to represent the land and sea and the introduction of people.
I am really really proud of this piece, I tend to use lots of smooth lines and blended colours when working with paint which has become my signature style.


On Wednesday I attended the art class again and created this piece...

The theme was creation again but I decided to take a different route with this piece. I started blending dark browns on my pallet and made the circle of paint in the bottom right hand corner extending it with a wavy line, not sure where to go next I started using the browns and reds to make more spirals and gradually my creation took form.
As I progressed with the piece I decided that it would represent a fiery volcano, the beautiful oranges and earthy tones creating spirals of smoke and new creation but also bringing destruction to existing environments.
Someone mentioned that it is a tranquil piece in the way there are spirals yet the colours are very angry, they were quite about that and guessed my mood that morning ...I had expressed it without realising! I can get very angry inside but I become very controlled in regards to my expression of emotion, just like I controlled the shapes and patterns in this piece.


Last night when I got in I created this piece of work on a canvas I bought in town, with some really cheap oil pains, I really enjoyed playing with the colours as I don't tend to use blue and green tones.

I used a hair pin to write the words using lots of dots to make up each letter and extended the dots to add connecting spirals. I decided to add words of encouragement (Hope, Freedom, Joy, Peace) so that I can look at the canvas and feel positive. I like the way that the shapes open out almost creating a blooming flower of petals and shapes.

Playlist for this week...

Haven't listened to much music this week, I will admit, but have a few songs I'd like to share all the same...

Christina Perri ~ A Thousand Years

Lower than Atlantis ~ Something Better Came Along

Bastille ~ Pompei

The 1975 ~ Chocolate

End of Blogging Challenge

Hi Guys!
So with Easter having been and gone I'm now back to my uni flat and can finish off this March challenge...

22nd March: 3 Physical Traits you are proud of
1. Nails   2. Eyelashes   3.Shoe Size

23rd March: Something that makes you feel good
Sitting with N gossiping about Made in Chelsea

24th March: Something Sexy
No idea what to put...!?!

25th March: Quotes
Marilyn Monroe: "To all the girls that think you're ugly because you're not size 0, you're the beautiful one. It's society who's ugly."
"If not now then never"
"Love is the point of it all"

26th March: Movies
I LOVE watching movies. The last one I watched was 'Flakes' with Zoe Deschanel in it- quite good but wouldn't go out of my way to watch it again.
My favourite movies have to be The Lucky One and The Proposal.

27th March: Talk about Food
We have a bit of a dodgey relationship at times but at the end of the day we all need food to keep our bodies running. Food is Medicine.

28th March: Guilty Pleasures
Celebrity Big Brother, Staying in my PJ's all day...

29th March: 15 Favourite Things
(I'm assuming this means possessions) In no particular order...
1. Wish Wish (my childhood cuddly)   2. MP4    3.Photographs of Family/Happy things   4. Notepads   5. My sticker collection   6. Little postiks or notes people have left me (I keep them forever)!   7. My pair of jeans   8. Books   9. Having lots of cards in my purse because it makes me feel all grown up!   10. Jewellery   11. Black trainer shoes   12. Glee Mug   13. Laptop   14. Mobile   15. Bible

30th March: What's Outside?
From my window I can see a busy main road, lots of buildings/street lamps/flats/offices etc. and the top of the city's cathedral. The day is dull and grey, very cloudy and although clear now was pelting down with hail stones.

31st March: Goals for next Month
I really want to start living more mindfully, more in the moment- taking things one at a time and becoming less stressed out. My goal is to be more mindful in my daily activities.